


Table of Celebration

by Liveforthestars



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, TW: Car Crashes, a lot of it, major death, pls show love, tw: cancer, tw: death, tw: guns, tw: substance abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:34:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liveforthestars/pseuds/Liveforthestars
Summary: After Erin Strauss’ funeral it became a tradition of the BAU team to come together and pass around stories of those that have fallen and what happens when that table slowly becomes empty?
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/William LaMontagne Jr., Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan, The BAU Team & Aaron Hotchner
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Table of Celebration

**Author's Note:**

> tw: substance abuse, guns, death, cancer, car crashes

Aaron didn’t see it coming like this. He thought during his times in the field, or during Foyet, hell even driving to work would be his end. He never thought it would come to him when he’s 63 in a bank. He should’ve known they were robbers the minute they stepped into the building, he used to be a profiler for Christ’s sake. But he didn’t. And he stands here now, seeing the bullet fly towards his chest, and all he could think about was that damn table. Or more importantly how nobody would be sitting there when he died. 

It started with Strauss. After the funeral they all could see Dave ready to dive head first into the grief, and so it was Aaron’s idea to get drinks and tell stories about her. They all sat there laughing so they wouldn’t be crying, because pain in the ass or not Erin didn’t deserve that. Aaron listened as Penelope told them about the time she answered the phone thinking it was Derek, and couldn’t help but laugh. That was a fond memory of his. He saw how Dave needed this and how helpful this was to him and it made his heart swell. Little did he know it would become a tradition. 

Dave, fittingly enough was next. They all knew that’s how it should be. He was the oldest of them all so it was only the circle of life his seat was the first one empty. Alex had left right after Strauss’ death to teach at Harvard with James, and Aaron somehow managed to convince Emilly to come home. They all sat at the table, tears staining their cheeks. Dave was a father figure to both Aaron and Emily and a grandfather for the rest of them. Penelope told them about how she and Kevin were walked in by Rossi and all that followed. Aaron remembered Dave telling him about that, saying he would have never done that for a woman and maybe he should have; Derek told them about how he used to tease Rossi about the gray in his hair and Emily told them about how he knew the perfect cure to any hangover but refused to teach her. Aaron saw the way she folded into herself when she realized he would never get the chance to teach her. Aaron pulled her in close when they left telling her that she didn’t need to worry, because Dave would be with Carolynn and his son.

He would’ve thought it would be him next. Hell, it should’ve been him. It should never have been her. But it was. He was the one to notice the lump on her breast and she kept insisting she was fine. They had been, whatever they had been since around the time she came back from London, after Beth had left him. It started out just as sleeping together but it was slowly turning into something more. She was in his office when she passed out, pulse weak. He was panicking and didn’t know what to do. This was Emily, his Emily. He was there when she got the diagnosis. Breast Cancer, stage four. They said at this point there was little they could do, she should just go home and be as comfortable as she could, saying the disease would take her soon. Emily wept into his shirt apologizing for not getting it checked, saying she didn’t want to leave him. He took a sabbatical to spend her last days together, trying to make it last. It didn’t as when Aaron woke up one morning and went to pull her in, her body felt too still and cold. He realized instead of calling her baby, he would be putting in a call to the morgue. He never did imagine he would be standing in front of her grave again, except this time knowing her body was actually in it. Her table was much more grim. They tried to tell funny stories, tried to distract from the pain, but unfortunately they couldn’t do that a second time. So instead they just said bottles up and drained their cups. Derek would come to tell him later what makes this worse than last time is the fact that there’s no one to blame, no bad guy to chase down. Little does he know that if Aaron maybe pushed a little bit harder she might have had a fighting chance.

Aaron never truly recovered from Emily’s death. So that’s why the next one hurt him so much, because two seats left the table that time. Derek and Penelope had gotten together shortly after Emily’s death, realizing the years of playful banter had much more depth than both of them ever assumed. He remembered how Derek stopped by his office to check in on him before he left for his and Penelope’s date night. They had a standing date night on Tuesdays that they didn’t have a case. The next thing he knows he’s getting a call in the middle of the night. He assumes it’s a case, but it’s from the hospital. Apparently he was Derek’s power of attorney and had to choose whether to pull him off of life support or not. He rushed to the bathroom throwing up the little of dinner he ate that night. How could this be happening? Was he really such a curse that everyone around him died? After dry heaving for five minutes he went to the hospital to find JJ. His heart sank when she said through her sobbing she got the same call for Penelope. It was a drunk driver who hit them head on. He called Spencer, because ironically their team was down to three. How have they lost more than they had? Of course they got new members, but they weren’t part of the family. Maybe that’s a good thing. He pretended not to hear Spencer and JJ’s tear filled goodbyes. He went to call Derek’s sisters when he overheard the doctors say Penelope was about six weeks pregnant. He couldn’t handle this. Penleople deserved the chance to be a mother. Derek deserved to be a father. They both deserved to just fucking be alive. How did Aaron get here? How did Aaron get everything they deserved? He was a father, he was alive, and he didn’t deserve that not over them he didn’t. Jayje found him on the floor sobbing against the wall. All she did was slide down next to him. Everything there was to say has already been said twice before. They sat at the table together in silence, not able to understand how a table of 7 could go that quickly to a table of 3.

Aaron had retired from the BAU early. He couldn’t handle anymore heartache. He spent his days with Jack, trying his best not to destroy him like he did to everyone else. Spencer always called him on Thursdays, becoming a crutch they both needed. He got the call on a Monday. Spencer was a blubbering mess, stammering about how JJ was stabbed in the field. He tried to put pressure on the wound, but she was bleeding too quickly. He made an off hand comment about how he knows how Derek felt when Doyle happened, oh how that seemed a lifetime ago. He said he couldn’t call Will. He couldn’t do it. Aaron told him he would take care of it. Aaron always took care of it. He went in person and told a great man he was a widow. God he would never forget the way Will collapsed against him. The way Micheal and Henry ran up asking what happened and Aaron had to tell them their mother died. He got too many flashbacks from when he had to tell his own son the same thing. Her service was beautiful, but Spencer couldn’t get through his speech so Aaron took over. He read the words off of the page, thinking too much about Haley and how he failed her just like he failed Jayje. He failed everybody. Spencer told him while sitting at that goddamn table that he was quitting and going to teach, but he’d keep in touch. It was just too hard to sit at that office and see all of the reminders of them. Aaron understood and wished him the best.

Aaron stopped by Spencer’s place three weeks later. He found him on the floor empty syringes surrounding his too still body. Aaron cursed himself. He should have seen this coming, he knew JJ was his rock, his older sister. He didn’t even see the signs. He laughed to himself when he realized that he was the only one left. He sat at that table alone. He drank his sorrows screaming to the heavens to take him, but they never did. He broke every one of those stupid chairs and that stupid stupid table. No one was ever going to sit there again. 

So as the bullet entered his chest, six familiar faces surrounded him. They were all sitting at that table, only his chair empty. He sat down and they welcomed him home. And it was the first time in too long where he actually felt like he was home.


End file.
